I found out my wife was cheating. I planned revenge.. Hello my name is Frank. I am a pretty laid back kind of guy. I let things slide if there was nothing major, insults I’d ignore, slights I’d turn and walk away from. There are a few things that can get me riled; hurt a friend, or hit a lady.
When I was a kid I was in lots of fights helping friends. George was top of that list. I was usually the one left standing so I got in a lot of trouble. Somewhere in high school I learned that if I wait, there is always a way of showing them the way and I wouldn’t get in trouble.
When I was in college I sold an idea for an invention (I am not free to talk about, the non disclosure agreement, you see), but just to say I would never have to work again, ever. I was never lazy, so after college I started a computer consulting business.
In the next year my buddy George got out of the army; well, most of him anyway, a hand was left behind. We talked and I let him buy into the business. I know I didn’t need the money, but the money he gave me is in an account in both our names offshore (saves on taxes).
A year and a half later I met the woman of my dreams. She was funny, smart, caring and sweet. Sue and I hit all the society parties in two weeks we were ‘the couple’. I went to these things for the business contacts, we had met at one. Her father was old fashioned so there would be no living together till we were married. Her mother died when she was 13, so it was just her and her father. Not to say we were completely chaste. But we were anxious to be together, in six months we were engaged.
Soon after the engagement George came to me and said, “We need to talk”
I looked at him a said, “If you were a girl I’d be very afraid, right now.” and we both laughed
He said, “Maybe you should be any way.”
I looked and pointed to the chair across from me.
“I don’t want to start problems for you, but I am worried about the business,” he started. “I think you should get a prenuptial agreement, to keep the business safe.”
I looked at him and said, “You must be a girl, because I am afraid now”
He chuckled and said, “It is not that bad,” he grabbed papers out of his pocket and handed them to me. “These are standard and just state that in the case of a no fault divorce each party would keep what they came in to the marriage with and split anything after. In the case of adultery the offending party would leave with just what they came with and nothing else.”
I thought a bit about the money from my invention and all the business stuff and said, “Thanks George, now I have to go see my future wife. If I am not back tomorrow you will know you sent me to my death” we both laughed. It couldn’t hurt to make sure that I wasn’t taken to the cleaners.
So here I am at Sue’s Fathers house, god it is big. This house has been in there family for generations. The maid shows me in to the parlor? Damn if I know looks like a living room with a bar to me. Here comes my bride to be, and her dad is right behind her. He always makes me feel like I am a thief stealing something from him. I kiss her cheek (the socially acceptable greeting in front of dad) and shake his hand.
Then we both start “I need to talk…” me
“I am glad you came…” her
I say, “You start.”
She looks embarrassed and glances at her father, “My father wants us to do a prenuptial agreement,” she looks so scared I laugh.
I smile at her and said, “George wants the same thing.”
She laughed and hugged me. We got the basics one that George said with the stipulation that children would be handled separately from this agreement.
Great wedding. Greater honeymoon. We move in to the house my parents left to me. And five years pass.
She wanted to wait till she was 30 for kids still two years away. The business is booming. Home life is good, well mostly good. The bad part is the harry rat my wife calls a dog. Princess by name, and if she raises kids like she is taking care of this dog, we would have some spoiled brats.
The thing is constantly yapping it can’t even bark. If it eats or drinks something my wife will get down and wipe its mouth. She carries two purses, one just for the dog to sit in. She treats that thing better than me.
The only time I put my foot down is when she tried to bring the dog to bed with us, I told her, “If you want to sleep with the dog, then you can sleep in the guest room with it.” She cried and begged, but I held firm and won one.
Her dad hit some hard times, he was heavily invested in real estate and when properties tanked in value he came up short. I lent him a million or so but it was done with lawyers and contracts. (Remember he was the one to insist on the prenuptial.)
So one day Sue asked, “Can you take princess to the groomers on Friday?”
“What?!?” I exclaimed in disbelief, “You won’t even let me feed the dog.”
“I know honey” said Sue “but I am helping set up for my grandma’s birthday. She is ninety you know, and the groomers are across town from the club, but are mostly on your way to work”
Long story short, I took the dog, I got a blow job out of it so I was happy.
On the way home is when my life hit a nose dive.
There was road work and detours on our way home I had the windows open for air and Princess was in her bag.
Then she started yapping and jumping, I tried to grab her and she nipped me.
I pull the car over to do something with her and she jumped out the window.
I got out to chase her and followed her to a Days Inn (you know where the rooms open to the parking lot) and to room 117 where she started yapping and crying scratching at the door.
I grab the furry rat and knock on the door no answer. So I think for a moment and go to the office.
When I walk in the lady there said, “Can I…” The rat started yapping more. “Why hello Princess, it is funny seeing you today you’re here mostly on Wednesdays.”
My world just about fell apart then, but I held it together and said “I was bringing Princess home from the groomers and she jumped out and ran here.”
“Well she likes us here when her mommy comes on Wednesday for a little afternoon delight with her husband. She leaves Princess with us and we take good care of her, don’t we you pretty girl,” she said.
I almost puked, but just held it together a bit more.
I asked. “Is she here every Wednesday, in room 117? That is where the dog ran to.”
“Yes, always the same room and every Wednesday.”
I thanked her and said “Well Princess needs to go home now for a party for Mommy’s grandma.”
I left and got to the car and zipped the dog in the bag. And started thinking how I was going to kill Sue. Then I started to think a bit more rationally. I need proof and revenge.
With the proof she is out with almost nothing but daddy will take care of her. So how can I make it impossible for daddy to do that? First thing I need to get do is to do this party and act like nothing is wrong. Then I will work on revenge.
First thing when I got there I got hell for being late and again for the dog’s feet being dusty! What bull.
I went to the bar and drank cola, right now I needed to keep my head on straight. My wife was flitting around the party, and all I can think is ‘who the slut is fucking?’ I watch, but she spends time all over, although a bit more with grandma and daddy.
But if she is sleeping with someone here, she is keeping it cool.
Oh damn, she is drinking and always gets horny, how can I get out of it? Shit what if I have a STD from her.
Ok I can get out of tonight by insulting her rat. And I will fake an injury in the morning and go to the doctors and get tested.
Now as for the evidence, George has his friend that runs a PI firm. I guess I need to see who it is before I can plot my revenge.
When we get home, she starts trying to get me going, but I tell her, “I am not in the mood after being yelled at because of a furry rat.”
Her eyes get cold and she said, “I don’t want to even touch you right now.”
I said, “Good go sleep with the rat in the guest room.”
She stormed out. That was easy enough. I laid down but sleep is a long time coming.
I got up with the sun. I went in to the bathroom to shower then shave. I open the cabinet to get a new razor and see her birth control pills. She has got about a week before she gets to the placebos. I open the package and switch the placebos and the normal pills around. Ah such cold hearted revenge makes me feel good. I looked in the mirror twirl the end of an imaginary mustache, and laughed like Dick Dastardly.
I got dressed and think about what to do next. I went down stairs and leave a note that said that I pulled something and was going to hospital and I would call when I knew something.
I go to the Waffle House, I love the food here, and I ate and wait for 9:00 am to call George. I told him I have a big problem, and ask if he wants to meet here or at office.
He said, “Waffle House and you’re buying.”
We both laughed.
“I’ll be there in a few,” he said and hangs up.
I give him the lowdown on what is going on and he is on the phone before I get done. He is telling his buddy to put surveillance in the motel room.
I didn’t tell him about the birth control pills.
Then he called our lawyer and told him to get the paperwork done for divorce on the prenuptial with adultery on her part with papers ready to serve on Wednesday. “Oh and get what you can about alienation of affection without a name.”
Then George calls a doctor friend and asks him to give me a note saying that I had a pulled groin muscle and no lifting and no sexual contact for 2 weeks.
God it pays to have devious friends.
We look at each other and both burst out laughing.
He started eating, and I am drinking my coffee, when he gets an evil glint in his eye, picks up the phone and waits then I hear him say, “Hello Sue this is George I need to talk to Frank we have an emergency at the Texas location, all the backups are off line. He set that unit up so I think he needs to go there.” Then there was some hum and uh and oh. Then he said, “We can send some young buck to do lifting and help him get around but his mind is what is needed there.”… then, “Yeah, I tried his cell first but in the hospital they tell you to turn it off.” …a hum or two, “Ok have him give me a call as soon as he gets home thanks,” and hung up.
I said, “I am in the presence of greatness.”
Both of us said and acted out, “He sees the idea ripe on the tree; he reaches up plucks it, and puts it in his pocket.”
We both laughed.
We made the plans to tell her I would be back Wednesday night at the earliest.
I had to do a lot of financial things Monday morning and be ready to have everything split by Wednesday afternoon. My pal George arranged for a locksmith to change the locks on the house Wednesday noon.
The house was mine before we got married, and I will get to keep it.
He also told me how to deal with my soon to be ex-wife, “Go home tell her what the doctor said show her the note and let her tell you about having to take the trip. Then call me and we will get you out of there swiftly with a suitcase and we stop in your home office and get all the papers you’ll need.”
I look at him and said, “Did I ever tell you you’re my best friend?”
We smile at each other and both said “I love you, man!”
I start moving, visiting George’s doctor friend getting the note, and some other running around.
Then I head home, I pulled in to driveway and parked and started walking to the house like my one leg is stiff and limping and grimacing in pain.
I get in the door my wife was all over me, “Honey are you ok? Oh my god what happened? Sit down and tell me. Do you want some coffee?”
I sat and spun a yarn about slipping in tub and going to the hospital. She started fussing over me, and then told me about George’s call and I groan.
I took out cell and acted like I am turning it on. I forgot to turn it off. I called George and I am acted like it is a business call. George was telling me a joke about a woodpecker playing with his pecker and getting wood.
I snorted and almost laughed, and said “I will see you in a little bit.”
I looked at my wife and said, “It looks like I am going out of town for a bit, can you get a suitcase ready for me or at least open it on the bed I am not suppose to lift anything.”
She is gave me all the B.S., do you think you should go your hurt and all that. Like she cared, or something.
I said, “I have to.”
She ran upstairs; I grabbed my brief case and went in the office and load up all the papers and laptop. Then I went upstairs limping and groaning
She said, “Just go sit, I will take care of this.”
I go back down and the door bell rings.
I opened the door to George and Pete, a younger guy from the office.
They get my stuff in to the car, I kissed my wife, yuck, and I don’t even want to touch her.
I said “I will see you Wednesday night at the latest.”
We were out the door and I didn’t even have to spend an hour with the slut.
I wouldn’t go in to details about the next few days, just the high points: I called my wife at about 7 pm each day sounding in pain.
We got the records from the Days Inn; she had been doing it since a month after our marriage.
My lawyer had all the paperwork ready even the alienation of affection that looks like a Mad-Lib with blank spaces ready to put the right info in the right spaces.
He also prepared fraud paperwork because it started so soon after our wedding. And about a thousand other things got done.
This leads us to Wednesday morning.
George and his PI friend are in room 116 watching the cameras live. I am at the office with a live feed. We are computer nerds after all.
George thought I might try to kill her if I was too close.
Pete is down the street from my house in an unmarked van watching and will call the locksmith as soon as she leaves.
At 10:30am Pete calls us she has left the house we told him to hold tight until she is at the Days Inn.
At 11:00 am she pulled in the parking lot and goes to the office with Princess then came out with a key and no dog.
About 11:10 am she entered the room with a bag from her car.
Pete is called to get locksmith going.
With the feed wired for video and sound we heard her humming of a tune while she is changed in to some very skimpy lingerie that I never saw.
About 11:25 am we heard a knock she opens the door and in walks her father.
I thought I was going to lose my breakfast. I saw her kiss him and turn off my monitor and called George and said “I can’t watch this, just get me the evidence and I’ll call the lawyer.”
The lawyer starts the paperwork for the fraud and alienation of affection and called the court officer to go to 116 and wait till they had enough evidence then deliver the divorce paperwork to my wife.
The rest of the paperwork will have to wait a day or two till it can be filed.
George later told me that when the court officer knocked and verified her name, he handed her the folder and said, “You’ve been served.” It was like all the life went out of her and she crumpled to the floor not moving.
I had a new phone thru work, and right now only George has that number.
The old number is forwarded to the work number and the receptionist has instructions every call for me will go to voicemail.
I called George and said “I am getting out of town for a few days. Get some security for the house and call if anything major happens.”
George said, “Go get drunk and I will take care of everything here.”
I drove to the airport and took a plane to Las Vegas.
I got drunk, and gambled. Tried to forget life for a while… I didn’t get laid; I felt it was wrong as I was still married. Fucking moral upbringing.
A day and a half later or so I was still drunk I got a call on my cell.
“Frank,” I hear George’s voice. “Yeah,” I yell, I’m still drunk and in a bar off the casino.
“Sue and her dad are in jail”he said.
“What?” I replied
“They tried to break in to your house, I had posted warnings listing your proper ownership of the house around the property and I guess they saw that and tried to sneak in the back way. The security guard saw them and started recording their actions and waited knowing that until they did something more they would get a slap on the wrist. They tried a key in the back door and it didn’t work and then they broke the window in the back door. That is when the security guy called the police. When the Police went to apprehend them they put up a fight and were tasered and arrested.” George was almost laughing.
“Wha” was my witty reply.
George laughed, “Get sober and call me back.”
“Ok.” I suavely said. Hey I was drunk I thought it was suave.
I went to my room and passed out and woke up to the universe being torn to shreds in my head… oh just housekeeping vacuuming in the hall.
I got up, popped an aspirin and jumped in the shower.
I felt about half human when I was done. I get dressed and called George. You got the first part so I wouldn’t repeat it.
“So the cops come and start taking them in when Sue freaks out and punches a cop.”
“They are both being held. Daddy stopped having a lawyer on retainer when he decided just to hold the properties he had until the market came back. It looks like they are going to have to sit thru the weekend. Her grandma is in the home and I don’t think they want to call their hoity-toity friends. I have a copy of the break-in video for your viewing pleasure.”
“Have they gotten the papers for the other suit yet?” I asked
He snickered, “Yes, when they were in the holding cell.” He laughed and said, “Daddy had a hissy fit when he read his.”
“Ok I want to see both Monday morning, before they are arraigned,” I said. “I am coming home as soon as I can.
“Ok buddy, “George rang off.
I went home fixed the door, got the like five thousand voicemails and deleted them without listening to one of them.
Now for the fun stuff on Monday morning.
My lawyer and I were in a conference room when Sue and her daddy walked in, she starts begging me to talk to her.
I look at her coldly and said “Shut up slut.”
Daddy started towards me, “If you do anything you can go away for a very long time.” I said “Sit,”
They both sat.
“Now you will listen and agree right now or I will go forward with all the suits and call the loan due and I know you can’t pull the whole million in 30 days without crippling yourself. Or…” At this point I waited.
He couldn’t even wait five seconds, “Or what” he grumbled.
I gave him a shit eating grin, “I drop all charges of trespassing and breaking and entering; she will still face the assault charges. I can’t change that and I will drop the fraud and alienation of affection and even call off the loan if…”
God I was enjoying this he was squirming.
“If?” he asked
“If she signs the divorce papers and you sign over your house to me.”
I knew I had him over a barrel and I knew what the family home meant to him.
Damn I swear it was like watching an old cartoon the red rose up his face in a line.
He grumbled something.
“I’m sorry what that was,” I asked.
“Yes!” he almost screamed.
I put the divorce papers in front of her while my lawyer put the title transfer agreement in front of him.
They both signed.
“Thank you” I said “I am going to talk to the prosecutor now.” I left.
They dropped the trespass and breaking and entering and they even gave her time served and probation for the assault.
Now for the round up, I sold his house to his business rival. He was forced to sell most of his properties at a loss. They moved in to a condo in a less affluent part of town. Somehow the video of them screwing was put on the web and pictures were emailed to all their friends and family.
Now by the pre-nup I should have got the dog but I let her keep it, I even send her a hundred a month for maintenance for the dog. That wouldn’t even cover a quarter of one grooming the dog use to have.
They are getting by at a lower middle-class income with no maid, the horror of it all.
And the kicker came about a month later when I got a phone call at work.
“Frank, Sue is on the phone for you,” my secretary said.
With more than a bit of curiosity, I picked up the phone, “Yes Sue?”
“Frank, I’m pregnant,” she said.
OMG, I forgot that I did that with the pills.
“Oh Sue that is great,” I said with enthusiasm, “You will give birth to your own brother or sister.”
She broke down and I hung up.
I picked up the phone, “George we are going out to celebrate revenge and I will tell you the funniest bit that I forgot to tell you.”